Original post was written in 2015, edited* to remove identifying information.
Written 6 months after my Uncle Charles* suddenly passed, 7 weeks after I was married.
I am rewriting this here, hoping you find some comfort in it too.
Sometime last month I thought to myself... I don't feel him around anymore, referring to my late uncle - whom I could "feel" around before. I was sad about this. Sad for everything he will miss. Sad for everything he won't experiance. Sad he won't see his grandsons grow up. Sad he won't attend anymore car shows. Sad for my grandma, sad for my mom, sad for his daughters & my cousins. Plainly, I was just sad.
A few days later I had a very vivid dream. I don't know about you, but I have these dreams, where I am not watching the dream from above. I am activley participating and am in control of what happens next.
It was my wedding day. Everyone was there, including, Uncle Charles*, Uncle Kevin*, Grandpa Keith* and Great Grandma Linda*. I was seeing them & talking to them. I had a special slow dance with my Grandpa Keith, jived with Uncle Kevin and visited with my Grandma Linda. All of this was normal.
I realized that these people were gone and how could they be here now? I said out loud with assertiveness "who else can see and hear them?". Receiving puzzled looks. I knew. No one else was seeing or hearing them, I was the only one.
I was about to head down the isle. My Uncle Charles was behind me and whispered "Kayla, we are all still here".
My husband turned on the bedroom light. Suddenly, it was time for me to wake from my dream. They were gone (again), just like that...
I counldn't get up, paralyzed by my thoughts... They were gone. We are living. They are not. Why do we get to live when they don't. What did this mean? Did it mean anything? Was it just my subconscious, wanting them all to be here with us.
This feeling sad paralyzing stuck with me most of the day. Eventually with some strong coffee, positive self talk and journalling, I sought comfort in the following:
No, for circumstances we can't explain, they are not here. But, they ARE all around us. Even if we can't see, hear or "feel" them. Their souls are out there, somewhere.
They live in us. They get to live through their teachings, their life lessons, their love. They will always be with us as long as we carry them so.
And this makes me a little less sad.