71. Mental Load, Memory Fog, and the Myth of “Mommy Brain” with neuroscientist Dr. Jodi Pawluski
Picture this: You’re standing in the kitchen, holding a dirty spoon, staring blankly at your refrigerator.
You’ve been here for a good 60 seconds, and honestly, you can’t remember why. Did you want to make lunch for the kids? Did you need to grab the ketchup for the eggs you just started cooking? Or... were you simply waiting for the kitchen fairy to swoop in and handle it all?
Ah yes, the ever-present and all-consuming mystery known as Mommy Brain.
Does this sound familiar? The mental fog, the constant feeling of being five steps behind, and the forgetfulness that pops up at the most inconvenient times. For me, it’s almost like I’ve accidentally swapped brains with a toddler—scrambling to remember things, but also feeling like I’m half-distracted by shiny things, loud noises, and an endless loop of “Did I… did I feed the dog today?”
But here’s the kicker: you’re not losing your mind. Nope, Mommy Brain—as we love to call it—is not a figment of your imagination. And no, it’s not a personal flaw either. Jodi and I were just talking about this on our recent podcast chat, and let me tell you, we had some big revelations.
Mommy Brain isn’t just an inconvenience or a cute little quirk. It’s the result of real, measurable changes in your brain structure, driven by the sheer mental load of motherhood. The juggling of all the to-do lists, the constant multitasking, the emotional regulation, the sleepless nights. It’s a lot for one human brain to handle. And guess what? It’s not all in your head—literally.
The Science of the Mental Load
During our conversation, Jodi shared something I thought was groundbreaking (and incredibly validating): “Mommy Brain” is a real thing because motherhood changes the way our brains work. It’s not just the exhaustion or the multitasking that causes us to forget things or feel overwhelmed. It’s also the way our brains process and prioritize tasks differently when we're responsible for other human beings. This, according to some studies, can lead to brain rewiring—especially in areas related to memory and stress regulation.
So, the next time you find yourself standing in front of the refrigerator, spoon in hand, frozen in time like a deer caught in headlights, remember: it’s not you, it’s your beautifully overloaded brain at work.
The Mental Load is Real, and So is the Exhaustion
Let’s get real for a minute: you might have thought you were just tired or forgetful, but what you’re actually feeling is the weight of being the mental (and emotional) architect of an entire household. From the morning routine checklist to keeping track of everyone’s appointments, to managing your own well-being, your brain is in overdrive. You’re expected to remember everything—sometimes even things that haven’t happened yet—and that's no small feat.
Jodi and I joked about how, even with the best intentions, we can barely remember to eat lunch in the chaos of the day, let alone track all the nuances of our kids’ schedules or plan a family outing. And here’s where it gets extra tricky: Mommy Brain often leads to more guilt. Guilt about forgetting, guilt about not doing enough, guilt about not “being on top of things” the way society expects. And you know what? That guilt? It’s totally unnecessary.
Remember, you're only human. And right now, you're wearing many hats, juggling many roles. You're doing the best you can—and that's more than enough.
So, What's the Solution?
Jodi and I dove deep into this topic, and we both agreed that the solution isn’t trying to “fix” Mommy Brain. It's about accepting that this mental load will ebb and flow, and that’s okay. The secret is knowing how to cope with it. So, here’s my big takeaway (and Jodi’s too): Stop fighting it.
Don’t overthink the fog or the forgotten appointments. Instead, start to embrace it.
Create systems that work for you. For example, setting reminders for things that seem small but add up (like “don’t forget the dog’s food!”) or breaking down tasks into bite-sized pieces. Do what feels easy, not what feels perfect. And when things fall through the cracks (because let’s face it, sometimes they will), be kind to yourself. You’re not a failure; you’re simply a woman balancing a million things, and that takes courage.
I also wanted to add a little practical nugget from my own life here: One of the things I’ve found that helps keep my brain from falling into a spiral is carving out a few minutes for myself to be creative.
Whether it’s a quick journaling session, some doodling, or just a quick check-in with my thoughts, that creative break resets my brain and helps me return to the chaos with a clearer head. It doesn’t fix everything, but it does make things feel more manageable.
You’re Not Alone in This
Jodi’s final message, and the one I want you to take away from this, is this: you’re not alone. Mommy Brain is a shared experience, and it’s okay to laugh at it. Embrace the quirks. Embrace the chaos. And above all, embrace the fact that you’re not expected to be perfect—you’re just expected to show up, even when you forget the ketchup for the eggs.
The next time you find yourself staring at the fridge (or the laundry, or the calendar) wondering what you were supposed to do next, remind yourself: it’s not a sign of failure. It’s a sign of humanity. And that’s more than enough.
Feeling foggy? Before you reach for the to-do list or scroll the overwhelm away, try this instead.
My 5-Minute Check-In for Moms is a soft landing for your overworked brain—a guided pause to help you reconnect, reset, and remember you’re still in there under the chaos.
Chill Like a Mother Podcast Guest:
Dr. Jodi Pawluski is an internationally recognized expert on the Science of Mommy Brain, the Neuroscience of Parenting, and Perinatal Mental Health.
Her research and practice delves into the transformative changes that occur in the brain during motherhood, particularly examining how stress and mental load influence these processes. She also explores the effects of perinatal depression and its treatment on neural outcomes for both mothers and their children.
Follow Kayla on her Instagram account @kayla.huszar
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