Session 4: WHO THE F AM I? - Searching for the Human Behind the Mom
Welcome back, or welcome if this is your first time with us. However you made it here today - whether you're feeling clear about who you are or completely lost in the shuffle - you're exactly where you need to be.
So last week, I was working with a client who's been struggling with feeling completely lost in motherhood. She was telling me about how overwhelmed she feels, how she can't remember the last time she did something just for herself.
And I asked her a question: "Who are you when you're not being a mom?"
She just stared at me. Like I was speaking a foreign language. Then she started to tear up and said, "I... I don't know anymore. Is there anything left of me?"
That question - "Who are you when you're not being a mom?" - it stopped her in her tracks. Because she realized she'd been so focused on everyone else's needs, wants, and schedules that she'd completely lost track of her own identity. "Mom" had become the only definition she had left.
Does this resonate? That moment when you realize you've disappeared so completely into this role that you're not sure there's anything else left of you? When someone asks what you want and you draw a complete blank?
Today we're going to gently explore who you are beyond your role as a mother. Not to take anything away from how much you love your kids, but to remember that you're allowed to be a whole person too.
What I Hope You Discover Today
Maybe parts of your identity are still alive in your body, just waiting for attention
Perhaps feeling "lost" shows up physically - and your body knows what connection feels like too
Your body already knows what parts of you are hungry for expression
↓ WATCH THE RECORDING OR SCROLL DOWN TO READ ↓
First - Listen to Call of the Wild by MILCK in this playlist and write down a few of your thoughts / keywords that you heard.
(then you can move into the next section)
A Different Way to Look at This
I want to offer you a different way to think about this whole question of "who am I?"
Identity is who you are - maybe you're creative, or love quiet mornings, or value deep conversations. Those parts of you don't disappear when you become a mom.
Authenticity is how you express that identity and whether that expression aligns with your values. You might know you're someone who loves music, but when was the last time you put on music YOU wanted to hear? You might value creativity, but are you actually creating anything, or just thinking about it?
The gap between knowing who you are and actually living it? That's what makes you feel lost.
Your kids aren't just watching how you care for them. They're watching whether you live authentically - whether you express who you really are or hide it because you think "good moms" don't have their own interests.
What if the question isn't "Who was I before kids?" but "How can I express who I am right now - as both a mother AND someone with my own nature, values, and needs?"
Today we're going to explore what it feels like in your body when you're being authentic versus when you're just playing the role you think you should play.
Gentle Check-In
Before we go deeper, let's just notice what's happening in your body right now.
When someone asks you "What do you want?" - not what your family needs, but what YOU want - what's your first reaction? Maybe panic, or confusion, or excitement, or just a complete blank.
Write the beginnings of these sentences and finish them with your very first thought:
Six words to describe who I am today…
Six words to describe who/where do I want to be…
But this… keeps getting in my way
And this… helps me get there
And when you think about exploring who you are beyond being a mom, what comes up? Maybe excitement about reconnecting with yourself? Maybe fear that there's nothing left to find? All of that makes complete sense.
Guided Visualization: Rediscovering You
Before we start, write down what you hope to understand about where your identity lives in your body.
↓ LISTEN OR READ THIS SCRIPT ↓
If you're willing, get comfortable and take a few breaths with me. Or soften your gaze if closing your eyes doesn't feel right.
Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Notice your chest rising and falling. Keep breathing until you feel settled in your body.
Think about what it feels like when you're completely focused on everyone else's needs. Notice where that feeling of being stretched thin or spread out lives in your body. Maybe you feel scattered, or empty, or like parts of you are missing. Just notice without judgment.
Now put your attention on different areas of your body and ask: "What part of me lives here?" Start with your hands - what do they want to create or touch? Move to your throat - what wants to be expressed? Your heart - what does it love that has nothing to do with caregiving? Your belly - what does it hunger for? Don't think about it, just notice what sensations or images come up.
Let your attention scan your whole body and notice: where do you feel most alive and vibrant right now?Maybe there's a part of you that feels energized or curious. Where does that live physically?
Now notice: where do you feel dormant or buried? What parts of your body feel sleepy or forgotten? These aren't bad - they're just waiting.
Move your attention to your heart area. Take your time getting there. When you can feel your attention resting in your heart, ask: "What part of me is most hungry for attention right now?" Let an image, color, or symbol come to you.
When you see what that looks like, gently open your eyes.
Creative Practice - Your Choice
Pick whatever feels most accessible to you today - based on what energy you have, what supplies are handy, or just what calls to you.
🎨 Option One: Color Your Identity in Your Body
Use whatever materials you have to draw a map of where different parts of your identity live in your body. Maybe use different colors for vibrant vs. dormant parts. Show what your heart revealed about what's ready for attention. There's no wrong/right way to do this.
🖊️ Option 2: Write What Your Body Told You
Let yourself write about what you discovered during the body scan. Where did you feel alive? Where did you feel dormant? What did your hands, throat, heart, belly want? What symbol came from your heart about what's ready to emerge?
Remember - this isn't about being less devoted to your kids. It's about reconnecting with the full human being who loves them.
Take 12-15 minutes with whichever option you chose.
Journal Practice: What Did You Notice?
Take a moment to look at what you created, or think about what came up for you.
What surprised you most about your creative process today?
What did you learn about yourself today?
What I hear from people is how surprised they are by what their bodies reveal - how much is still alive and vibrant, just waiting for attention. Your identity isn't gone. It's just been focused elsewhere for a while.
What You Discovered Today
Look what you did today. Instead of thinking your way to your identity, you felt into where different parts of you live in your body. You discovered what being disconnected from yourself actually feels like physically, and what parts of you are still vibrant and alive.
You explored how your body holds not just tension and overwhelm, but also creativity, aliveness, and all the parts of you that want expression. You learned to ask your body directly what's ready for attention instead of trying to figure it out mentally.
Here's something to carry with you: Your kids don't just need a mom. They need to see what it looks like to be a whole person living a full life. When you honor the parts of yourself that feel alive, you're teaching them that they're allowed to be complex, creative humans too.
What if reconnecting with your identity isn't about going backward to who you used to be, but feeling into who you're becoming right now in this body, in this moment?
Next Week: I Do Everything Because... - The Pressure is Real... But is it Necessary?
We'll explore how the feeling of having to do everything might show up in your body, and what happens when you ask your body directly what it actually needs to let go of some of that pressure.
Something to Take With You
Think about one small way you could honor what your body showed you about your identity this week. Something tiny that connects you to the part of yourself that feels most alive or ready for attention.
Write for a few minutes: "One small way I could honor what's alive in me this week is..."
Maybe it's using your hands to create something if they felt vibrant. Maybe it's letting your voice express something if your throat felt ready. Maybe it's following what your heart said it loves.
Trust what your body revealed to you.
Gentle questions to carry with you this week:
What would change if you paid attention to the parts of your body that feel most alive?
How might you give just a little attention to what your heart said is ready to emerge?
What's one way you could model being a whole person for your kids this week?
These are just invitations. Your body knows what parts of you are ready for more expression.
