Session 6: The Break You Crave But Can't Seem to Get - Taking Space (Even When Guilt Shows Up)
Welcome back, or welcome if this is your first time with us. However you made it here today - whether you're feeling ready to claim some space or terrified about being "selfish" - you're exactly where you need to be.
So two weeks ago, I went on a girls trip. This is my second year doing this - a full weekend away with friends, no kids, no partner, no responsibilities.
And you know what? All those voices showed up. "What if they need me? What if something happens? Can my partner really handle it all?" In years past, those worries would have kept me home, or I would have spent weeks meal prepping, making detailed schedules, organizing everything so no one would even notice I was gone - trying to do everything from a distance.
But this year? I didn't do that. I just... went. The guilt was still there. The worry was still there. But I went anyway.
And you know what happened? They were fine. More than fine. My partner figured it out. The kids survived. And I spent that weekend remembering who I was underneath all the caregiving and managing.
But here's what was interesting - even when I was there, my body kept bracing. Like I was waiting for a text saying someone needed me. Like I had to justify taking up this space that wasn't about serving someone else.
Does this sound familiar? That feeling when you finally get a moment to yourself, but you can't fully relax into it because part of you feels like you shouldn't be there? Like you're stealing time that belongs to someone else?
Today we're going to explore what it actually feels like in your body to claim space for yourself - and how to work with the guilt and resistance that might show up.
What I Hope You Discover Today
Maybe you can build tolerance for the discomfort of guilt without letting it stop you
Perhaps guilt and shame feel different in your body - and knowing the difference matters
Your body knows when taking space builds resilience versus when it depletes you
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Gentle Check-In
Before we go deeper, let's just notice what's happening in your body right now.
Write the beginnings of these sentences and finish them with your very first thought:
When I imagine taking time just for me....
I think I should...
I think I shouldn't...
I would like to...
I do not want to...
I feel...
A Different Way to Look at This
I want to offer you a different way to think about taking space for yourself - and drop a truth bomb about guilt versus shame.
Here's the difference: Guilt says "I did something wrong." Shame says "I AM something wrong."
When you feel guilty about taking time for yourself, your body is responding to breaking an invisible rule - maybe the rule that says "good moms are always available" (hidden message: "am I bad/wrong for needing space?") or "my needs don't matter as much as theirs." But that guilt? It's not actually guilt... it's shame. Guilt should in theory motivate you towards change - you notice something and want to change it.
Shame, on the other hand, keeps you stuck. It says "self-care is selfish and therefore I'm a bad mom" or "wanting space makes me selfish and broken."
Here's what happens: When you can recognize guilt as just discomfort about breaking old patterns - not truth about who you are - you can learn to tolerate it (and gain resilience in overcoming those thoughts - easier said than done, right?). You can feel guilty AND still claim the space you need. But shame will keep you from forward motion.
And here's where resilience comes in: Every time you feel the guilt, acknowledge it, and (try to) do the thing anyway, you're building resilience. You're teaching your nervous system that you can handle uncomfortable feelings without being destroyed by them. You're proving to yourself that guilt is just a feeling, not a fact.
Your body holds the wisdom about what you actually need. It knows when you're running on empty (you know the signs), when you need to recharge, when taking space will help you show up better for everyone.
What if building resilience isn't about never feeling guilty - it's about learning to act aligned with your needs even when guilt shows up?
Today we're going to explore what guilt, shame, and resilience actually feel like in your body - and how to tell the difference between them.
Guided Visualization: From Guilt and Shame to Resilience
Before we start, write down what you hope to understand about how permission and guilt show up in your body.
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If you're willing, get comfortable and take a few breaths with me. Or soften your gaze if closing your eyes doesn't feel right.
Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Notice your chest rising and falling. Keep breathing until you feel settled in your body.
Imagine guilt. Where does that live in your body? What color is it? What shape?
Now notice shame. Is that feeling in your chest, your throat, your stomach? This is shame. It's that sinking, heavy, stuck feeling that says "I'm bad for even wanting this." Just notice where shame lives in your body. What color or texture would it be? What shape?
Now think about a time you DID take space - maybe you went on that trip, or took that walk, or said no to something. This is resilience. Where does it live? What color is it? What shape?
Here's the important part: Think about a moment - even just a few seconds - during that time when you felt okay. Maybe you laughed with a friend, or felt the sun on your face, or took a deep breath and thought "I needed this." That's resilience. That's your body remembering it can handle uncomfortable feelings and still be okay. Where does THAT feeling live? What does resilience feel like in your body?
Now move your attention to your heart area. When you can feel your attention there, ask: "What does my body need me to know about shame versus guilt versus resilience?" Let whatever images or sensations come up.
Finally, imagine yourself taking that break you're craving - the girls trip, the weekend morning alone, whatever it is. Feel the shame that might come up. Then feel what it would be like to do it anyway. That's your resilience muscle getting stronger.
When you're ready, gently open your eyes.
This isn't about becoming selfish. It's about learning to recognize shame, tolerate guilt, and build resilience by doing what you need anyway.
Creative Practice - Your Choice
Pick whatever feels most accessible to you today - based on what energy you have, what supplies are handy, or just what calls to you.
🎨 Option 1: Map Guilt, Shame, and Resilience
Divide your paper into three or four sections.
In one section, express what guilt feels like in your body when you think about taking space.
In another, express what shame feels like (the voice that says you're bad or broken for needing space).
In the third section, show what resilience looks like - what it feels like to do it anyway.
If you want a fourth section, add what confidence might feel like as you build this muscle.
🖊️ Option 2: Write About Guilt, Shame, and Doing It Anyway
Let yourself write about what came up during the meditation.
What does guilt feel like versus shame?
What barriers show up - both from yourself and from others?
What would it look like to acknowledge the guilt and do it anyway?
What builds your resilience?
Remember - this isn't about making guilt or shame disappear. It's about learning to recognize them and move forward anyway.
Take 12-15 minutes with whichever option you chose.
Journal Practice: What Did You Notice?
Take a moment to look at what you created, or think about what came up for you.
Could you feel the difference between shame and guilt in your body? Where did each one live?
What surprised you about what resilience actually feels like physically?
When you imagined doing it anyway, what happened in your body - did the shame get louder, or could you feel your resilience muscle flexing?
What I hear from people is how surprised they are that shame and guilt feel so different in their bodies - and that recognizing the difference helps them not get stuck. Shame keeps you paralyzed. Resilience helps you move forward even when it's uncomfortable.
What You Discovered Today
Look what you did today. Instead of just feeling guilty about wanting space, you explored the difference between guilt and shame - and discovered that guilt is just discomfort about breaking old patterns, not truth about who you are.
You learned that resilience isn't built by avoiding uncomfortable feelings, but by feeling them and doing what you need anyway. Every time you acknowledge the guilt and claim space for yourself, you're building that resilience muscle.
You explored what barriers show up - both from yourself (the internal voices and conditioning) and from others (their expectations and reactions). And you considered what it would look like to acknowledge those barriers without letting them stop you.
You discovered that your body knows the difference between guilt (discomfort about breaking rules) and shame (feeling fundamentally wrong). And that building tolerance for guilt is actually a form of self-respect.
Here's something to remember: Your family needs you to model what it looks like to have healthy boundaries and take care of yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable. They need to see that guilt doesn't have to control your choices.
What if claiming space for yourself - even when guilt shows up - is one of the most resilient things you can do? What if teaching yourself that you can handle uncomfortable feelings is the foundation for everything else?
Next Week: Session 6: Finding Your Space - What Happens When You Finally Give Yourself Permission
We'll explore what it feels like in your body to actually claim space for yourself, and how to navigate the guilt and resistance that might come up when you finally say "this time is mine."
Something to Take With You
Think about one small way you could claim space for yourself this week - something that feels both necessary and a little scary because it's just for you.
Write for a few minutes: "One way I could claim space for myself this week is..."
Maybe it's taking a bath without being interrupted. Maybe it's going for a walk alone. Maybe it's sitting outside for ten minutes with your coffee. Maybe it's saying no to something you don't actually want to do.
Now make it tangible with these accountability steps:
When specifically will you do this? Write down the day and time.
What support do you need? Who needs to know? What do you need to arrange?
What will you do when guilt shows up? Write one sentence you can say to yourself (like "I can feel guilty and still take care of myself").
Who will you tell about this commitment? Text one person right now and tell them what you're planning to do.
Start small, but start somewhere with a real plan. Trust what your body told you it needs.
Gentle questions to carry with you this week:
What would change if you treated guilt as information about old patterns, not truth about who you are?
How might building tolerance for guilt actually strengthen your resilience?
What's one way you could acknowledge barriers (from yourself and others) without letting them stop you?
These are just invitations. You get to decide what space looks like for you - and actually make it happen.
