The Day I Became the Mom Calling Out Instagram Parenting (And Why I Almost Didn't)
I wasn't sure I was brave enough to be the therapist mom who says what everyone's thinking but no one's saying out loud.
"I'm gentle but not that kind of gentle," she said to me.
This and other iterations of this have been said a lot over the last few months in the spaces I hold for moms.
When you're asked to write an article for Maclean's magazine calling out gentle parenting culture, you kind of brace yourself for impact, you know?
The email sat in my inbox for three days. Not because I didn't want to write it, but because I wasn't sure if I was ready for what would come after.
Picture this: It's Tuesday morning, my youngest is asking me for the fourth time if he can have ice cream for breakfast (the answer is still no), and I'm staring at my laptop screen wondering if I have the guts to actually do this.
The email was simple enough: Would I be interested in writing a piece about Gentle Parenting, Instagram parenting culture and the maternal mental health effects of it all? About the pressure mothers face from the endless stream of "gentle parenting" advice that seems to work for everyone except, well, real families living real lives?
I was half excited, half terrified. This was the kind of platform every writer dreams of. But I also felt that familiar knot in my stomach that shows up whenever I'm about to do something that actually matters.
The Fear of Being "That Mom"
You know the one. The mom who dares to suggest that maybe, just maybe, all those Instagram parenting hacks aren't the miracle solutions they claim to be. The one who points out that the "1-2-3" step programs leave out crucial context like neurodivergent kids, trauma responses, and the reality that some days you're just trying to keep everyone fed and alive.
I was terrified of becoming the target of angry comments from parenting influencers and their followers.
What if they were right and I was wrong?
What if I was just a bitter mom who couldn't make the "simple" strategies work?
But then I thought about my clients.
So last month, I'm in session with this client, and she's literally holding up her phone with tears in her eyes. "I tried exactly what she said," she tells me, scrolling through some popular parenting account. "My kid completely lost his shit. What's wrong with me?"
And there it was - that question that makes my heart break every single time: "What's wrong with me?"
I hear this constantly from the mothers I work with. These brilliant, loving, incredibly capable women who've somehow been convinced they're failing because some gentle parenting technique that was literally designed for Instagram engagement didn't magically work in their actual living room with their actual kid.
And that's just one story - at least once a week one of my clients tells me they bought a program, a guide, some thing promising better behavior and more patience and more regulation. And it didn't work. And now they feel like failures.
As a social worker and expressive arts therapist, I watch these amazing mothers question every instinct they have because Instagram told them their natural responses were "toxic" or "triggering." I see women literally shame themselves for raising their voice when their kid runs toward traffic, or feel guilty for setting a boundary that doesn't sound like it came straight from a parenting script.
That's when I knew I had to write the damn article. And the next day I had a call with an editor at Maclean's magazine.
Wait, Now I Need to Look Professional?
Then they scheduled a photo shoot - like, a real editorial photographer coming to my house to photograph me and my kids for Maclean's magazine. MACLEAN'S MAGAZINE.
My first thought? I hate my hair right now. I'm growing it out and I would never on purpose get my photograph taken at this exact moment. So what does an ADHD mom do? Look up "in between hair styles (not pixie but not shoulder length)" and then walk into my bathroom and cut it myself.
And then the clothes situation. I'm a pretty casual person - jeans and t-shirts, on the daily. But this was Maclean's... surely a therapist should be wearing a blazer or some shit, right?
I had my six-year-old take photos of me in different outfits and sent them to my photographer cousin for wardrobe approval. Because apparently that's what we do now.
The photographer captured something I didn't expect in those photos - you can see a mom who was nervous but determined. Someone who'd rather risk controversy than watch another mother internalize shame for not being able to make viral parenting advice work in her real life.
The piece is called "My Misadventures in Gentle Parenting" and it came out in the October 2025 issue of Maclean's.
And then my phone started blowing up.
Honestly, I had no idea it would end up featured on Apple News as a Reader Favourite, but there it was - my face looking back at me from people's news feeds, holding my two boys.
When a stranger texted me saying "I just finished reading your article, so good" and then sent a long message about spending countless hours reading and practicing gentle parenting until this year when switching to a more authoritative style worked wonders for her 7 and 6 year olds... that's when I knew the article hit what I was hoping for.
She said: "Thank you again for your wonderful article!"
And I just sat there staring at my phone thinking - okay, maybe I didn't mess this up.
The responses floored me in the best possible way.
One reader sent: "I just finished reading your article, so good. In my kid-life we just did, I can't remember worrying whether it was right or wrong, kids spent so much time with other kids and their families, everybody's rules became all kids rules."
Another mom messaged: "This is sooooo good and will be not only impactful but I felt heard reading this 🙏❤️"
My father-in-law (who I'd been nervous to hear from, if I'm being honest) wrote: "You did all of that quite beautifully. Grandparents might need a little shaming. 🤔 I think the tension of generations is endemic to the conversation."
And then my mentor and music therapist, Jennifer Buchanan sent: "OMG!!!!! I just read it!!!! It is brilliant as are you!!!! So proud of you, Kayla. You are speaking the language of REAL mums everywhere. I am just so happy for you!!!!! 🎉"
That last one made me cry, not gonna lie.
Writing that article taught me something I didn't expect.
Every mother questioning whether she's "doing it right" deserves to hear that her instincts matter.
That her unique child and family circumstances are more important than any viral parenting strategy. That the reason Instagram advice isn't working isn't because she's broken - it's because one-size-fits-all solutions don't exist in parenting.
As I write this, that original email is still saved in my folder. Not because it led to a viral article (though it did), but because it reminds me of the moment I chose to trust my own voice over the fear of judgment.
What I Expected vs. What Actually Happened
Here's what I thought would happen: angry comments, defensive influencers, days spent in comment sections defending myself.
Here's what actually happened: this collective exhale from mothers everywhere.
Instead of pushback, I got messages from women who'd been trying so damn hard to do it "right" according to Instagram, feeling like failures when their real kids in real situations didn't respond to strategies designed for viral content.
The article wasn't about bashing gentle parenting as a concept - it was about calling out the impossible standards and the context-free advice that's breaking mothers down instead of building them up.
And apparently, that's what everyone was waiting for someone to say out loud.
What This Means for Your Motherhood
Look, I'm not going to give you some inspirational speech about being brave or trusting yourself. You've heard that a thousand times from Instagram therapists, right?
Here's what I actually want you to know:
If you've been questioning every single parenting decision you make because some influencer said your response was "toxic"... you're not broken.
If you bought that course or program or guide promising better behavior and it didn't work... your kid isn't broken.
If you can't make the viral strategies work in your real life with your real family... you aren't wrong.
The system is.
Instagram parenting advice is designed for engagement, not for your Tuesday afternoon when your kid is melting down in the cereal aisle. Those 1-2-3 step programs leave out the context of your neurodivergent kid, your trauma history, your partner's work schedule, your own regulation capacity on three hours of sleep.
You already know your kid better than any content creator ever could. You already have instincts that matter more than any viral hack. The hard part isn't learning some new strategy - it's unlearning the belief that you need fixing in the first place.
Read the Full Article
The complete Maclean's article dives deeper into why Instagram parenting culture is contributing to millennial mom anxiety and what we can do instead. You can read "My Misadventures in Gentle Parenting" in the October 2025 issue of Maclean's or find it on Apple News.
If this resonated with you - if you've been drowning in gentle parenting guilt or questioning your every move because it doesn't match what you see online - you're not alone. And you're not broken.
P.S. The best feedback I got wasn't "great article" or "so brave" - it was "I felt heard reading this." That's all I wanted. For you to feel seen in the chaos, valid in your struggles, and hopeful that there's a way to do this that doesn't require you to perform perfection. Because you're already exactly the mother your kids need - Instagram chaos, self-cut hair, ice cream breakfast negotiations, and all.
Have you ever tried an Instagram parenting strategy that completely backfired?
Or felt like you were failing because the '1-2-3 steps' didn't work in your real life?
I'd love to hear your experience in the comments below.
