Your kid talks back, calls you a name, or says something that isn't true, and you lose it.
Then the mom guilt kicks in.
You want your kids to grow up feeling understood, and maybe not having to heal from their childhood like you're healing from yours. But between your own childhood stuff, the scary "no contact" stories online, and how fast you can react, it can start to feel like you're already setting them up for therapy someday.
I'm Kayla, a mom guilt therapist, and in this episode I talk with Dr. Debbie Raphael, a child and adult psychiatrist and author of Carry My Strength: A Parent's Guide to Growing and Thriving Alongside Your Child. Debbie became a new mom during her child psychiatry training at UCSF. For years, she took what she was learning at work and tried it at home with her baby.
If your kid ends up in therapy, you didn't put them there on purpose. My son went to therapy at five years old. Therapy was a choice we made so he could gain skills we weren't yet ready to teach him (as we were learning alongside him with our own therapist).
You don't have to be a perfect mom, but damn, those expectations are sky high. Debbie talks about being a "good enough" parent, and how five or ten minutes of special time, even if it's not every day, may help your child feel connected.
What you'll learn:
How to respond instead of react by noticing your own reactions
Why treating parenting like a job may help you stay calm and take things less personally - How to validate your child's feelings, even when you disagree
How to repair after you lose it, and why your apology matters so much
How five or ten minutes of special time, even if it's not every day, may help your child open up
Debbie closes with a reminder for every mom:
we have to receive care to give care. Even one person in your circle you can talk to may help. Grab my free guide, 101 Ways to Chill Like a Mother.
Find Debbie at debbieraphael.com and on Instagram @carrymystrength.
Carry My Strength comes out in January.
More on Debbie Raphael, M.D
Debbie Raphael, M.D. is a double board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist. She earned her medical degree from UC San Diego and completed post-graduate training at UC San Francisco, where she has served as Assistant Clinical Professor. Once a child advice columnist for her local newspaper, now a psychiatrist in clinical practice for nearly 20 years and parent to two boys, Dr. Raphael is honored to be living her dream of sharing her knowledge and experience with the broader community, aiming to close gaps, promote relationship healing and growth, and prevent illness. She lives with her husband and children in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Which idea from Debbie are you trying first - noticing your reaction, special time, or coming back to repair? Tell me in the comments.
Want support with mom guilt? Book a free consult with me.
