91. How to Get Your Kids to Play Independently (Without the Guilt) with Kari Castro
You might not need a step-by-step guide for how to get kids to play independently.
Maybe you just need permission to stop being available every second of the day.
Kari Castro learned that the hard way. She is an educator with over a decade in the classroom, and a few years ago a move left her isolated with a toddler and no childcare. It meant a little too much screen time to cope. When she tried to cut back, she swung the other way instead, becoming the entertainment herself, setting up activities and pulling out the pom poms and popsicle sticks, doing everything she thought a good mom should do.
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"I was doing exactly what I thought I should do," she says, "but it's the exact thing that now I know is not the answer." She called herself a Pinterest mom for a while, and it burned her out. Her daughter got clingy. She got irritable. Something had to change.
So she started small, twenty to thirty minutes of full attention after breakfast and again after a nap, phone away and TV off, her focus fully on her daughter. Then came a stretch of time where her daughter played alone, starting at five minutes and growing from there. Within ten to fifteen days, she saw the shift.
If you feel guilty for wanting your kids to play by themselves, independent play is not a trick or a hack. It is a skill, the same way potty training or tying shoes is a skill. Kids are not born knowing how to entertain themselves. They learn it with practice, the same way they learn everything else.
The guilt that shows up when you try to teach it is not proof you are doing something wrong. As Kayla, mom guilt therapist, points out often, some moms find this guilt isn't really theirs to carry, especially the kind that comes with being a mom and a good one at that. It gets handed to her, passed down by other women, society, and social media, through the idea that a good mom is endlessly available.
You are allowed to teach your kid to play without you in the room. There is nothing wrong with that.
Catch the full conversation with Kari Castro — new episode of Chill Like a Mother, wherever you listen.
What's one thing that would help you let go of the guilt around independent play? Drop it below.
What You'll Learn
Why teaching independent play gets you called "lazy"
The exact routine that got a toddler mom 20 minutes of real peace
Independent play is a skill, not a personality trait
Where mom guilt actually comes from
What to say to yourself when the guilt hits
More From Kari Castro
Kari Castro is a former teacher, mom, and founder of EduPlay, where she helps overwhelmed moms step out of survival mode and create calmer, more connected days at home.
After spending over a decade in education, Kari saw firsthand how much pressure modern motherhood puts on women to do it all, stay endlessly patient, entertain constantly, avoid screens at all costs, and put themselves last without ever talking about the burnout that comes with it. Through realistic routines, independent play strategies, and honest conversations about motherhood, she helps moms support their child's development in a way that also gives them space to breathe, regulate, and feel like themselves again.
Kayla also mentioned the book Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen on the episode.
Kari also references an episode from Emily and the Sparkle Project.
