Trauma and Motherhood - What you need to know
Postpartum is a considerable adjustment (ahem, understatement of the year) and will bring up stuff you thought you'd "dealt" with (or successfully avoided or ignored).
When you are in the postpartum phase (those first 12 months of a baby's life), you are in the most sensitive state of your life, aside from when you were born. You will be feeling things so much deeper than you ever have. And things will affect you differently now that you are a parent.
Things you thought you had resolved, moved on from or laid to rest might come to the surface again. You might have new-again, reoccurring thoughts about previous distressing, adverse or traumatic life experiences.
A client recently told me, "I didn't know how bad it was until it wasn't bad anymore. Now I know when things are bad because of how it feels in my body and mind. I know when to reach out for help because I know what well feels like."
Awareness of your stress triggers (thoughts, people, places, time of year) can help you be more mindful and know when to connect with your support system or reach out for help.⠀⠀
Trauma happens to someone when it is too fast and too much for the body to hold and cope with. Trauma is the experience of feeling alone, unheard and unsupported.
Previous distressing life events include (but are not always limited to):
⚠️ adverse childhood experiences (ACEs):
experiencing or witnessing the following in the home or community
violence
abuse (physical, emotional, financial)
neglect
substance abuse
mental health issues
having a family member attempt or die by suicide
instability due to being under-parented, divorced or family members being absent (jail, recovery centers)
⚠️ threats of severe physical injury
⚠️ death (family, friend, animals, etc)
⚠️ sexual violence
⚠️ witnessing a traumatic event
⚠️ experiencing or witnessing a highly distressing event
⚠️ physical or emotional injury
⚠️ bullying or harassment
⚠️ difficult life transition
⚠️ loss of significant relationships
⚠️ previous miscarriage, loss or fertility struggles
PSA: You may have experienced something on this list and do not deem it as "traumatic"; you may have experienced something not and considered it traumatic. Everyone has unique capacities to handle distress (often called resilience). Distress does not equal trauma.
When pregnant, it is important to be aware and process your trauma because something unrelated to your past could activate your nervous system at any point in postpartum.
Everyday postpartum experiences that can activate past trauma/distress:
baby crying
sleep deprivation
gender disappointment
time spent in NICU
getting answers to questions
a sense of "wrongness"
a partner who isn't helping
experiencing a traumatic birth
postpartum mental health disorders
not getting the help you need because of old stories and narratives
When pregnant/postpartum, it is essential also to know what triggers happiness and joy:
What brings about a sense of happiness in your body?
Where do you feel the most comfortable?
What do you find comforting?
And the magic happens when you can facilitate these things for yourself, command the time you need and take care of yourself.
What you can do if you are not doing well right now or anticipate struggling with maternal mental health:
Suppose you feel you are not doing well or anticipate having limited coping mechanisms. In that case, reach out before the baby arrives and create a support plan. You can also download my Postpartum Plan here.
(AND if you can't "do it" for yourself, do it for your baby/kids. They will notice and be better because you are better.)
