93. Three Truths About Morning Routines, Meltdowns and Mom Guilt with Jenny Demark and Conrad Leung
Why does getting everyone out the door in the morning feel like its own daily battle?
I brought this up with Jenny Demark and Conrad Leung, who co-wrote Complex Kids, Simple Solutions. As we talked, I realized my own answer: my almost seven-year-old had an hour to finish four things, but he didn’t get them done. Each task should have taken about ten minutes, with a little playtime at the start and end if we stayed on track.
Jenny and Conrad see this pattern with the families they work with.
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One family they worked with had an eight-year-old who melted down almost every school morning. The parents thought something else was causing the problem, but it turned out he just didn’t know how to get organized. Using the three-step framework, his parents started from the time they needed to leave and broke the morning into small steps: coat and boots by 7:50, backpack packed by 7:45, teeth brushed by a certain time. With Jenny’s help, the parents and their son made the checklist together.
At first, the goal wasn’t to have mornings without any meltdowns, that would have been unrealistic. This family started at meltdowns almost every morning. Jenny said getting that down to about 10% of days is what counts as a huge success.
The expectations, the deal you make with your kid, and the rewards were also realistic. Instead of money, the next step was letting their son pick the next song in the car. A lot of moms I talk to feel stuck between being patient or being a complete a-hole, with not much in between. I said this out loud, and Conrad and Jenny laughed but understood, since they hear it from other parents who are tired and frustrated.
What's one thing that would help you let go of the guilt around independent play? Drop it below.
What You'll Learn
Why teaching independent play gets you called "lazy"
The exact routine that got a toddler mom 20 minutes of real peace
Independent play is a skill, not a personality trait
Where mom guilt actually comes from
What to say to yourself when the guilt hits
The 3 Things That Make Mornings Easier: Prepare, Teach, Motivate
Jenny and Conrad call this framework prepare, teach, and motivate
Prepare means building in extra time and realistic expectations before the morning even starts.
Teach means treating the routine itself as a skill, something that has to be laid out step by step, not assumed.
Motivate means catching the good moments, not just correcting the hard ones.
Which part of your morning routine feels the hardest right now? Share your thoughts in the comments.
You can hear my full conversation with Jenny and Conrad on Chill Like a Mother, available wherever you get your podcasts.
What You’ll Learn About Morning Meltdowns and Mom Guilt
A simple way to spot exactly where your morning is breaking down
A real script for working backward from your leave time, step by step
Why letting your kid help build the plan makes it stick
What counts as praise that works, and why constant praise stops working
Permission to let a rule slide without feeling like a bad, inconsistent parent
MORE FROM THE GUESTS
Resources: - Complex Kids, Simple Solutions - check your local bookstore or library first.
Check out there website: Child Solutions
Or on their socials: Child Solutions on Facebook and Instagram (@childsolutions)
About the guests: Dr. Jenny Demark is a psychologist in private practice in Ottawa, working with kids and families navigating developmental, learning, or behavioural concerns. Conrad Leung is a Registered Behaviour Analyst with the College of Psychologists and Behaviour Analysts of Ontario and a Board Certified Behaviour Analyst, focused on children with severe problem behaviours. Together with Dr. Linda Reinstein, they run Child Solutions in Ottawa and co-wrote Complex Kids, Simple Solutions.
